First I was an engineer, then I was a programmer: neither of these professions are renowned for works of literary genius. But it happens that I do have some training: I used to write reports that went to the Ministry of Defence and to the Safety and Reliability Directorate. I won't ever win a Pulitzer Prize, but I am more than barely literate.
Here it is, the letter I hope will repel all hostile invaders. Because it is serious now, I put the letter together after careful thought. It costs an extra pound to send it by registered delivery, but I want them to be absolutely certain that I am not going to be easily crushed, and the Post Office will roll their eyes a bit if TV Licensing deny having received it.
I don't want to be pen pals but it seems we must.
I omitted the normal ending of 'yours sincerely'. Petty really, but 'sincerely' didn't seem to cover it and any words that would seemed abusive. Perhaps I should have outlined something in their favourite shade of 'stern but fair' red. TV Licensing seem to like that.
What really concerns me at this moment is that I am educated, and I can be articulate when sufficiently motivated. Hit me with a stick for long enough and I will fight back, and I have a fair chance of winning. But what happens to someone who doesn't have those characteristics: whose only sin is that they don't watch TV? I would have thought that this would be a matter of grave concern to the people in authority whose business it is to protect the average citizen. But TV licensing have been doing what they do for years. It seems the authorities, and the BBC, approve.
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